30 Day Challenge: Day 8

Day 8: A moment you felt most satisfied with your life.

As I was thinking about this question throughout the day, I kept coming up short.  Satisfied?  It’s sad, but do I ever feel satisfied with my life?  I realized that I have a difficult time living in the here and now, which; in turn; makes it hard to appreciate life and feel satisfaction.  To feel satisfaction, you have to stop and smell the roses per say.  If I’m always either craning my neck to see what’s around the corner or straining to look what once was, I miss what’s right in front of me.  So then I asked myself…when was a time when you were living in the present? 

Then it hit me.

My summer before my junior year in high school.  I was fifteen, awaiting my sixteenth birthday in a time where my family and I had very little.  And yet, it was at this time that I knew we all felt like kings and queens of this earth.  We were moving to (at the time) Greeley.  We were having a house built there in fact.  But in order to break ground and begin construction, we were required to sell our old house first.  And so with many painful months of showings, we finally sold my childhood home.  With a bulk of our things moved into storage, we took the bear minimums to a cozy three bedroom apartment in Fort Collins.  With our beagle, and my cat, parakeet and two rats, we began our summer with simplicity. 

With what could’ve been a disaster of cluttered tight quarters, I felt a closeness with my family that I’d never felt before.  And to this day, it still makes my heart break because it was the calm before the storm.  A time before everything changed and we all began to grow up and go our separate ways with jobs and school.  But I didn’t know.  All I knew was that this…this was what life was all about.  And I felt complete and happy and I knew neither need nor want.        

As the summer progressed, my mother’s health began to weaken and we all began to worry.  However blissful that summer was…well, it wasn’t perfect.  We seemed to be surrounded by chain smokers and, well, let’s just say they enjoyed a variety of substances.  My mom’s lungs and heart began to flare up.  Tests needed to be ran on her heart and lungs to obtain the damage.  We had to break our lease.  We couldn’t wait for the completion of our home in Greeley.  We broke contract and began searching for a new home elsewhere.    

Just as everything was beginning to unravel, God swept me away on an experience I’ll never forget.  With a High School friend, I went to a church retreat with hundreds of other adolescence.  In all my life of thinking that I knew God…that retreat was the first time I ever truly FELT Him.  An overwhelming feeling of life and vigor, dreams, hopes and pure joy filled my heart.  I came home with a fire blazing in my heart.  I was different, never again to be the same.  The retreat ended on Father’s Day and my family came to pick me up. 

I was greeted with wonderful news on top of even better news.  First, it was Father’s day, and having just spent a miraculous time with my heavenly father, I was feeling especially grateful for my wonderful Godly earthly father.  My mother greeted me with a clear from the doctors.  There was nothing wrong with her heart or lungs!  Praise God!  My family and I (brothers included) began driving home as I happily babbled about my wonderful encounter with God.  As we stopped, I looked around puzzled.  This wasn’t the apartment.  I looked at my family who starred back at me with giddy expressions.  A key was held out to me and dangled loosely in front of my face.

“Welcome home,” my mother said with a radiant smile.  I don’t know who was more excited that day.  My heart was soaring.  Before me was a beautiful new house…our home!

It was at that moment (June 20, 2004) that all of life was perfect.  I felt completely satisfied with my life.  Neither the past nor the present was before me.  How could it be?  Everything that mattered to me was right in front of me.  My entire family was well and happy and together and we had a home.  And it was all because of God. 

If I could choose one day to go back to, it would be that day.  As a reminder of what satisfaction feels like.  Satisfaction isn’t just a feeling…it’s a choice.  And with this feeling and choice rekindled, I can now apply it to any stage in life.  Just look straight ahead and appreciate what is before you.  There is so much good in life and it’s too often missed.  Writing this was like breathing.  Memories such as these never leave your heart.  It’s a personal and dear memory of mine.  Hope anyone who reads it can appreciate it.            

30 Day Challenge: Day 7

Day 7: What were some of your favorite childhood toys?

Beanie Babies: Collecting these was so much fun!  And…I still can’t seem to get myself to get rid of them.  My favorite one is Roary the lion.  My grandmother sent me some birthday money and I waited until I could find Roary.  My grandmother died when I was 10 so this beanie holds a special place in my heart.

Pokémon: The first series was awesome!  The second series was great…and then they just started getting weird.  Collecting the action figures and cards was addicting (stored away safely in my closet).  I still remember saving up for my first game boy color to play the games.  Ah, those were the days. 

Zoids: This was a show that was popular in the 70’s and came back with a bang in the late 90’s and then disappeared once again.  Not many know of the show.  It basically was about these huge animal like machines that a pilot controlled and battled with.  Yeah, I'm a dork.  There were these models that you could build.  They were really complex.  I still have all of these as well.    

 

Anyways, I had a really good childhood.  I still have days where I wish I could just go back.   

30 Day Challange: Day 6

Day 6: What is your zodiac sign and do you think it fits your personality?  

I’ve never been one for zodiac signs, horror scopes or superstitions.  However, I find it intriguing non-the-less.  My zodiac is Leo seeming as my birthday falls in late July.  Here is the definition and characteristics of the Leo as given by: http://www.psychicguild.com/horoscopes_explained.php.  You can go here if you’re interested to find out more about your own zodiac too.

Leo Your element: Fire Your ruling planets: The Sun Symbol: The Lion Your stone: Peridot Life Pursuit: To lead the way Vibration: Radiant Energy Leo's Secret Desire: To be a star

Description: "Love triumphs over all for this sign, which is ruled by the heart and operates from this dimension too. Leo's are born fortunate. Charismatic and positive-thinking they attract not only an abundance of friends and opportunities, but manage to survive life's stormy times with style and good humor. Once a Lion is committed to a relationship, they are totally devoted and faithful. Should their heart or trust be broken they never forgive or forget. When a relationship breaks down (even a long standing one) they can disappear into the sunset without a backward look. Leos can cut ties, and leave others heartbroken, but usually there is a good reason why they have broken a tryst. For a Leo, when a relationship is over, really over, it is over for good. There are three levels of soul-evolution of the Leos. The highest is represented by the Sphinx; wise beyond their years and great teachers to others. The second is the Lion, King of the Jungle, ruled by ego but always protective and sustaining of those they love. The last is the Lion Cub, immature and undeveloped, frightened by anything new. These Leos cling to others (in the mode of the child not wanting to leave its mother's side).) They can't bear to be alone. No matter what level they have attained, all Leos are trendsetters, leaders and adventurers. Their weakness is their pride. This is one sign where the saying "flattery will get you everything" applies, but be warned criticism will slam the relationship door right in your face." I find definitions such as these to be broad, vague and extreme.  However, there is always truth to be found about yourself for everyone.  I think that’s the point.  I’ve highlighted the portions that I feel speak directly to my personality.  Those of you that know me well would agree.  Love is at the center of my life.  I live for those I love and love the ones I live for. I’ve always felt I was very fortunate to be born into my family.  Full of such love, acceptance and opportunity.  I’m fiercely loyal to my relationships.  Even when they end however, I have a difficult time forgetting.  I’ve been told more than once that I’m wise beyond my years.  I’m a deep person who seems to always have a thought or epiphany floating around in my head.  I am protective of those I love and would do anything to keep the darkness of life away from them.  Because my birth order is first born in my family, I’m a leader—I always look behind me to make sure the path that I’ve created is worthy of following.  And when it isn’t…I make it right.  The last thing I wanted to note is that, I suppose, when I look at it with a different angle, I really do desire to be a star.  More in the aspect of being something worth looking up to…something worth following…something worth wondering about.

30 Day Challange: Day 5

Day 5: What are your views on religion? 

The question is truly a double edged sword.  I would like to start off with saying that I respect the beliefs of all I come in contact with throughout life.  But respect is not the same thing as agreement.  An important factor to be considered is the difference between faith and religion.  Faith is something one chooses—a gift that is available to all and opened by few.  Religion is ultimately man made, and so is imperfect in its own nature.  Many have fallen away from a faith due to these imperfections.  People are drawn to a greater purpose and so come seeking refuge and hope from a confusing and hurtful world.  In their process, they receive a bitter mouth full of the very nature that they are trying to escape—something that is referred to as the old flesh.   You see, what often isn’t understood is that the church is made up of people.  And so, it should be with the expectation that, in pursuing God, you’re going to get hurt.  This shouldn’t be how it is.  But unfortunately, sometimes it is.  My heart is saddened and disgusted to this fact.  But it’s because of our weakness that we need God.  Because where we are weak, He is strong. 

I’m sure by now, you’ve been able to piece together that I’m a strong believer in Christ and have been all my life.  The world looks to us at times; I feel to see us fall more than to look at us as people who are obviously imperfect but are humbled by our weakness and look to something greater than ourselves.  Being a Christian doesn’t grant us perfection but rather it ensures us grace.  I consider it to be my responsibility to show acceptance to all.  Actions speak louder than words.  I do not intend to preach my beliefs on another but rather to show them the grace that I’ve been given.  Is that not what Christ did? 

I could write an entire book on this subject.  In a way, it’s like trying to describe a soul.  There is no evidence that we have a soul and yet, somewhere inside us, we believe we have one.  Again, this was a very large topic to tackle for me and I’ve only scratched the surface.  Please feel free to comment or ask questions.